Johanneke’s Story
When Johanneke and her family moved to the US from Holland in 2006, they were committed, through her husband’s company, to a five-year stay. Johanneke wasn’t sure she wanted to be away from her family and friends in Holland for that long, and knew she had to find something meaningful to help her feel connected.
Shortly after they arrived, she was driving one day, and heard a radio program about The Children’s Room. She turned the car around, drove home, and sent an email to find out more. That winter she completed the volunteer training, became a group facilitator, and the following year she became co-director of the fledgling Teen Performance Troupe.
We are so glad Johanneke found The Children’s Room! She has made a difference in the lives of many teens and families. TCR has meant a lot for her as well. It became a profound connection both personally and professionally, providing for her a place of comfort and growth. She says, “I will miss the house, the warmth of the people, always so welcoming, and ready to embrace me, my life, and my stories. Most of all I will miss the laughter and the tears from the teens.”
This summer Johanneke and her family will be returning to Holland, and she is astonished at how fast the five years have flown by. Her children have grown up here. Her oldest daughter, Lotte, who was a member of the troupe for two years, will be attending University in Holland. Johanneke will be tremendously missed, but her presence and love will be a part of the troupe always. Read more about Johanneke on our website.
Next year, Teen Troupe Co-director, Lisa Boes, will carry on with a new co-director, Brenda Walsh-Segesdi. Brenda was one of the very first TCR volunteer group facilitators, and has been an active volunteer since 1994! We are so happy to have both Lisa and Brenda to welcome and guide a new group of teens this fall, and help fill the space and hearts that Johanneke leaves behind.
Johanneke and her family have a very personal connection with grief and loss. On June 11, 2001, their lives changed forever when youngest daughter, Pippa, died suddenly. Pippa was 15 months old, and daughters Lotte and Malou were seven and five years old at the time. Johanneke says she still has a difficult time finding words to describe the feeling of losing Pippa.
Johanneke, her husband Paul, and their daughters struggled to make sense of Pippa’s death. Johanneke says they did “hard and intense work” in an effort to recover and go on with their lives with some sense of normalcy. Family bereavement programs like The Children’s Room did not exist in Holland, but they sought out counseling, and found support at the Elisabeth Kubler-Ross organization. With professional help, and the love and support of family and friends, they slowly began to heal.
Still, Johanneke says, it was hard to accept the fact that her daughter was gone, and would never come back. She said, “I wasn’t scared that I would never be happy again, I was scared that I did not know how long the deep pain would last.” She remembers Malou asking her, “Mamma, when are you going to be the old mommy again?” Johanneke replied that she would never be the old mommy again, nor would she be the old Malou.
Johanneke and her family never had the idea that they would get over the death of Pippa, but step by step, they slowly began accepting her loss as part of their lives. In 2004 their son, Sybe, was born, bringing joy back into their lives. Still it wasn’t easy. Johanneke says a temperature of 100 would make her call 911. But it soon became clear to her and Paul that Sybe was a strong boy, and they gained confidence that they could raise another child. Two years later they moved to the United States. Paul works for Philips, a Dutch company, which bought the American company, Lifeline. While Paul helped the companies merge, they would begin a new life in the United States.
When Johanneke began working with the teens, she wondered if she would be able to make a connection with them. Johanneke is so open and forthcoming herself, getting the teens to begin talking and sharing wasn’t the hard part. What was most challenging was gaining their trust, so that they could feel safe enough to share their deepest feelings, thoughts, and pain. The key to the power of the group, Johanneke says, is the mutual support and understanding that emerges from exploring how the death of their parents or siblings has impacted their relationships and lives. The performance is secondary, but also a very powerful tool for self-exploration. It is an effective means of reaching out to others with, as Johanneke says, a simple, honest, and beautiful message of hope and healing.
Johanneke feels The Children’s Room has shaped her future and she expects to continue to do grief work all her life. She feels that the work that is done at The Children’s Room is “worthwhile, very rewarding, loving, and life-changing.” She says “the pain I have felt so deeply and for so many years after losing my daughter Pippa, has moved from pain to gratitude and personal growth.” With the teens, being able to laugh and cry together, sometimes at the same time, “made all their losses bearable.” She says, “I will carry those memories in my heart for the rest of my life.”
Still, Johanneke says, not a day goes by that “I somehow don’t think about Pippa.” It has been almost eleven years since she died. She wonders if Pippa’s death made her a better person, or perhaps a different person. She says so much good has come from her death, “but did she really have to die?” Johanneke and her family will take back to Holland much personal growth and many new loving connections.
Johanneke plans to continue bereavement work in Holland, and knows she wants to continue working with teens. “Giving back, being able to receive, being open to the grief and sadness from others, has changed my goal in life.” Talking with the teens, she realized “how important it is to keep that person you have loved so deeply, and then lost, close to your heart forever.” She says it helped them all realize death doesn’t have to be only bad. For Johanneke, Pippa’s death has helped her “live life to the fullest every single day.” She will return to Holland, where she was born, and where Pippa was born, and continue to give back and help others through her own grief, making Pippa’s life circle complete.