Adolescence can be a unique time full of life challenges, milestones, relationship dynamics, and identity exploration. Having different needs and personalities, teens also often grieve in their own personal ways. Here TCR’s Program Manager for Schools, Community, and Adolescents, Christine Lambright, and Program Coordinator for Intakes, Data, and Teens, Caitlin Pilette, talk about how teens experience and communicate their grief experiences and emotions differently from children and adults.
Teens experience, understand, and express their grief in unique ways because they are developmentally able to recognize different realities in terms of what they had hoped to envision for their future and what their future might look like.
“Teens understand the ripple effects and the different layers of loss that go beyond the person who died,” shares Christine. She continues, “It changes their lives because they have that abstract understanding. Their level of empathy and insight allows them to recognize how their family members are grieving differently and how their own experiences of grief may differ. Now that their person has died, they have a new understanding of how different their future might be– they can perceive the points where their life has taken a different trajectory because of what happened.”
Teens developmentally want to find who they are.
Teens are at an age where they want to establish their individuality and independence, which also goes with their ways of grieving and understanding their grief. “Teens can recognize that they might not be grieving the same way as some of their family members. They, too, are expressing their individuality in their grief process,” shares Caitlin. “Their grief process may differ from their family, partially in relation to family dynamics. They need to find their individuality, independence, and autonomy to be who they are.”
Teens can experience and recognize their grief in moments even more than younger children.
Teens are often in a developmental phase of increasing their levels of awareness and insight. They recognize both their day-to-day experiences and future milestones as having shifted since their person died. “Adolescents have so many milestones they’re in the midst of and anticipating – points in time where they might compare their experience and expectations to their peers,” says Christine. Caitlin adds, “They can see the trajectory of how their plans have changed, they feel the significance of approaching milestones, and they realize that what they originally were expecting and anticipating now must be different. They have a deeper understanding of these changes than younger kids might.”
“For teens, the power, desire, and importance to fit in and connect with their peers (more so than family) is developmentally appropriate. Putting this into the grief lens, they have now had an experience that some of their friends might not have had.” Christine continues, “they also can recognize how other people are responding to them, including whether peers might be treating them differently than before their person died.” “This is why it is important to allow these teens to connect with others who have had a similar experience,” shares Caitlin. Grief peer support services allow teens to recognize that they are not alone in their thoughts and feelings and to form friendships that can be supportive across time.
The Children’s Room offers various services for teens grieving the death of a sibling or parent/caregiver. CLICK HERE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THEM.
