Parenting after my husband Peter died was more than challenging. It was a task that felt impossible to do. I managed mostly on a day-to-day basis, and many times it was moment-to-moment. I struggled to attempt my grief work while being completely absorbed and defined by being a single parent.
I learned about The Children’s Room after my husband died on March 29, 2003. One of my neighbors was a volunteer at the time, and she came to my home and handed me information on what TCR was about and what was available for us if we chose to attend. I was extremely grateful to learn that there was a place for us to help manage our horrific loss. We came to TCR two months later.
We walked through the door to caring faces and complete understanding. My children, Sarah and Tyler, were a little timid at first but also curious. They very quickly became excited to be with the kindhearted adults and other children who understood what they were going through. They especially enjoyed the stuffed animals they got to hold during their session; while playing and sharing their own story of how their dad had died with other children.
Our Monday night group provided us with immediate, unconditional, reliable support. I remember spending a lot of time letting my children share all their feelings. I recall there was a lot of drawing, playing, and sharing sadness, and feelings of anger. TCR povided safe methods for them to experience and move through grief. I recommend that to other single parents. It was helpful and necessary. I was fortunate to have wonderful in-laws who immediately stepped up to help me as much as possible. I also was supported by wonderful neighbors and close friends as I allowed them to help me. We also received individual counseling that was also beneficial.
“Grieving is work; it takes time and is a process. Being at TCR in my bi-monthly group afforded me time to grieve with others while my children were doing the same, safely, in their groups. I think it benefitted them to know I was getting help too, but we were all together in the same house at TCR.”
About The Author: Sue Vaillancourt came to The Children’s Room in 2003 after the death of her husband. She was asked to speak about her experience at two fundraisers, which inspired her to volunteer in 2009. She has volunteered as an adult group facilitator for one of the child loss groups and has done so for 14 years. She is currently part of TCR’s staff working with the Philanthropy team.
Learn more about The Children’s Room by taking a tour of our center in Arlington.
