Grieving on Father’s Day: What You Should Know and How You Can Help
Father’s Day is coming up again in June. Reminders are starting to be everywhere—in the greeting card aisle at the store, in clothing advertisements for ties, or swim trunks, or a hat. There are commercials for activities that people do with their dads, and suggestions for friends and family to make plans for the special day.
This time of year can be hard for those who have lost their fathers, and for fathers who are grieving a child. It can also be hard for mothers who have lost their partner or spouse as they care for their grieving children. Give yourself permission to spend the day in whatever way feels best to you. For some, that might mean participating in family traditions or sharing special memory foods. You could also create new rituals and find new ways to remember and celebrate the life of the person who died. You can discuss and consider deciding as a family how you would like to remember the father in your life.
Everyone’s grief is unique, and there is no right or wrong way to do this. Different family members may want to do some things individually and/or something together.If you’re with a bereaved dad on Father’s Day, be sure to ask how he is doing; he may decline to talk, but offering to listen is an important gesture in showing your care.
If you’re supporting a bereaved child or teen, make sure you ask directly what might be helpful for him or her. The child or teen may have clear ideas about what will make him or her most comfortable, but he or she may not be able to articulate it without being asked. To recognize that a child, teen, or adult may want to do something on that day as a way to remember is important.
Sometimes the anticipation of the day can be harder than the day itself. It is often helpful to plan ahead for how you want to spend the day. It is also ok that all those plans can be tossed when the day comes and you don’t feel like doing anything. Allow yourself the time and space to acknowledge whatever feelings you may have, and remember that experiencing happiness and moving forward in your life in no way diminishes the love you have for that person.
We encourage you to make time for self-care as you need it, no matter how small or simple: a walk in the park, a cup of tea with a friend, a pick-up soccer game. You can make a plan to honor the person in your life who died, such as watching one of their favorite movies, eating their favorite foods, or visiting a familiar place. You can start a new tradition with your family if that feels more comfortable to you. Sometimes others have expectations about what you should do. Be grateful that they care, and know it is your decision. Above all, we encourage you to stay flexible enough to change your plans if they don’t feel right to you or your family. This is just one day of the year, but you carry your loss with you year-round. You don’t have to pressure yourself to make this day fit into some kind of mold of what it “should” be. You are the expert on your own grief.
If you would like to share memories or ideas for remembering your special person, you’re invited to connect with us on Facebook.
